February 6, 2009

More Motorists Warned of Zombies

You usually think of the apocalypse as being heralded by fiery angels or dark omens but not road signs. This week has seen a rash of American road signs warning motorists of zombies.

First, the zombies were in Austin, Texas. And they were Nazis.

Then, the zombies were in Illinois (no word on their political affiliation).

Now, the zombies have made it to Baltimore.

According to a report by Baltimore Examiner staff writer Jaime Malarkey, drivers in Maryland saw electronic traffic signs warning of “zombies ahead.” The warnings on Route 43 have been erased, according to Kelly Melhem of the Maryland Transporation Authority, but I don’t think this means the zombie threat has been neutralized.

In fact, it appears that citizens are using traffic signs to fight back. Stories from Seattle, Washington report that a hijacked sign on Interstate 405 through Bellevue displayed, "Zombies Drools.” Obviously an attempt by zombie hunters to lower zombie morale.

We at the The Zed Word want to remind our readers of some safe driving tips in this dire time:

1.) If you see a sign warning about zombies while driving, DO NOT SLOW DOWN OR STOP. It may be a zombie trick. If you stop to take pictures, they may swarm you.

2.) Do not get out of your vehicle if you see zombies. Definitely take a picture and send it to us, but do not approach the zombie. Keep all doors closed and windows secured.

3.) Even if you don’t see a zombie, there may be velociraptors on the loose. If Jurrasic Park taught us anything, raptors can open doors, so make sure the doors are locked.

Obviously, US transportation officials are trying to cover up the threat by erasing these road signs. We can only hope that the zombies and raptors meet and finish one another off.

Stay safe, road warriors.