June 26, 2011

The Zed Word Zombie Survival Plan

It's finally time that I reveal my fool-proof plan of action during the zombie invasion.

Winchester Tavern pint class from Fearwerx
My zombie survival plan is pretty straightforward:
Step 1: Have a nice cold pint
Step 2: Wait for all of this to blow over.
Let's be honest. While I watch a lot of zombie movies, read a lot of zombie books, and read many zombie survival guides,  I'm the furthest thing from a survivalist you're likely to meet. I'm an out of shape, easily panicked, poorly skilled, and chronically short-sighted procrastinator who can't go without an internet connection or a steady stream of pizza and Netflix. I'd have all the luck of Ben and Captain Rhodes combined when it comes to surviving the zombie apocalypse.

I'm not worried, though. While the zombie apocalypse is inevitable, there's no sense getting worked up over survival planning that I know I'm not ever going to follow through with anyway. Did I mention that I'm also a pessimist self-rationalizer?

So, when the ground begins to give up its dead and hordes of zombies terrorize my neighborhood, I'm just going to pull out a cold one, kick back, and wait for them to shamble through my door. After all, if you can't be bothered to beat them, then I guess the least I could do is roll over and join them.

As long as that's not too much effort.