April 4, 2012

Brain Picking: Interview with George Zombieman (a lonely zombie puppet)

INTERVIEW with George R. Zombieman
(Lonely Zombie Puppet)

It's not everyday that you get to meet a zombie puppet let alone a friendly zombie puppet such as George R. Zombieman

Living in Hamilton, ON, George is -- unfortunately -- a very lonely zombie. After he became a zombie he lost his wife, his job, and more than a few body parts. But, as he says, he has "a good heart. Of course, it's shriveled up like a raisin." Since poor ol' George is a local zombie, I felt bad for him and invited him over to Zed Word headquarters to talk about what it's like living life as a zombie puppet.

ZED WORD: So, George, what's it like being a zombie puppet?

GEORGE R. ZOMBIEMAN: Being a zombie puppet isn’t all that bad. Of course, it’s somewhat difficult to maintain lasting relationships due to the overwhelming urge to literally devour those closest to me. I assure you, nothing drives a wedge into a friendship quite like gorging on your best mate’s entrails.

I also smell rather unbecomingly, which is a bit of a turn off to the ladies and leads to some rather lonely nights. And days. And afternoons. *sigh*

And being a puppet, zombie or otherwise, can be somewhat uncomfortable, what with the puppeteer’s penchant for putting his hands up me bum. But he does keep them warm and moisturized, which I deeply appreciate.

ZW: Do zombie puppets face any unique challenges?

GZ: Perhaps the biggest challenge is developing a feeling of self-worth and a unique identity. Most of the time I can’t help but feel that I’m being manipulated, as though I’m not in charge of me own actions, me own choices. Even the words that come out of me mouth don’t always feel like they’re me own.

Also, I’m missing me left arm, as you may have noticed, which brings about its own challenges. For one thing, it interfered in me part-time job as a professional audience clapper for the telly. If you’ve watched old episodes of Three’s Company, then you’ve heard some of me work. I can’t just blame the arm though. In hindsight, putting a zombie in a live studio audience was a bad idea. Also, I have a lot of extra left-handed gloves that I don’t really know what to do with.

ZW: I hate to ask but I have to know: if you take a headshot what comes out? Brains or stuffing?

GZ: I've actually never taken a head shot, so I'm not quite sure. But whenever I get a cold or an ear infection, a strange greenish/brown liquid that smells oddly of rhubarb and kerosene oozes out. Not sure what it is, but it's great for getting that gummy stuff that price tags sometimes leave behind off of various Walmart purchases. So probably that stuff would come out.

ZW: Describe a day in the life of George R. Zombieman.

GZ: There’s not much to say, really. I pretty much spend most of every day on Facebook. It’s really me only connection with the outside world that doesn’t end in an ungodly bloodbath. But I have almost a hundred friends, which is very encouraging and I particularly liked receiving birthday wishes for the first time in many years. I have to tell you, it was really nice to be killed by kindness for a change.

That said though, I have recently started a self-help group for puppet zombies called Puppet Zombies Anonymous. We’ve only had one meeting so far, and I was the only one who showed up, but the food was good - finger sandwiches, liver pate. And the head cheese? Exquisite.

I also enjoy taking walks in the woods from time to time. In fact, just the other day I was wandering through King’s Forest in Hamilton and I happened across another zombie who looked exactly like Mozart. He was sitting on a rock and erasing all of his sheet music. I was shocked, and said, "Zombie Mozart, what are you doing?!" He said, "I'm decomposing."

I also like to tell jokes. Some day I hope to tell one that's funny.

Come be a Facebook friend with George R. Zombieman. I get the feeling he needs all the friends he can get.